This may get said a lot, but I can and do relate. Depression is a lot more serious than most people realize, things that may seem simple, or high priority will become next to impossible to deal with, let alone finding the motivation to just take that first step. I wish I had better advice to give that would help, most i can say is being self aware is a stronger advantage than being alone with various intrusive thoughts and not understanding why. Sometimes that mindset was something of a tagline to grab onto and lead me some of the way out, sometimes even getting a better foothold on myself before letting things completely fall apart. I can really only speak for myself since things can affect people differently, and It can be very difficult. I say this not to deminish or make light of what your going through, just that it can be said your not alone.